The Silhouette

It was an ordinary day; waking up early in the morning, a little bit of exercise, the regular breakfast, the rush to the work, the same boss, colleagues and apprentices, the constant struggle between the desire to work and desire to slack. Anyway the day had been spent as usual. I had dragged myself to the finish line for the day and as usual was returning home. The waysides were as usual calm and comforting with quiet hedge at the edges. Vehicles were moving smoothly as always with no intension of disconcerting the state of my mind, they had somewhere to be and so did I. Small groups of people passing by or sitting contentedly on the benches had their own life and no intensions of sharing that with me and I did not cared for them either. It was a lonely walk from work back home as usual.

Maybe it was few minutes to my home, I noticed something beside the hedge some meters ahead of me and it was strange because normally there would be nothing noticeable other than the calm and quiet hedge along the waysides; but some peculiar looking structure seemed to exist right beside the hedge. I slowed my pace, examined the structure as I slowly strolled along the pavement. No movement from the structure; but the structure was particularly interesting. From what I saw it was a silhouette of a person standing beside the hedge. What could a person be possibly be doing at this hour beside the hedge on the wayside? Why no movement? Why is the person just standing there?

I continued my pace, slow but steady; the silhouette showed no movement, not a small stir of its any parts was noticeable. My pace was continuous and the silhouette had no movement but I was startled when I noticed that the distance from myself to the silhouette was constant, no change at all. I continued my pace, no movement of the silhouette but when I approximated the distance I was startled to find it had not changed a bit. I stopped, stiffened with fear and congealed with the absence of sensation in the body from what I saw. Trying to comprehend the situation around me I turned around; nothing was uncommon, everything was the way it was supposed to be; the only startling feature being the silhouette.

I tried to quicken my pace hoping I could get past the silhouette and out run it to my home but as I tried to do so I felt that a strong force was trying to stop me from quickening my pace. No matter how hard I tried I could not get any quicker, the harder I tried harder the force opposed me. I glanced at the silhouette, its one arm raised as if trying to prevent me quickening my pace; as if it did not want me to escape. No matter how hard I tried I could not outrun the silhouette; I could not reach it nor could outrun it.

It was a precarious situation to be in; one that I had been avoiding my whole life. I always avoided uncomfortable situations; equivocal and evasive situations were not the ones I longed for. Without thinking about the future consequences of my actions, I always ran away from every problems that life threw at me; the only thing I was worried about was the present. I knew very well that consolation at present did not always bring happiness in the future; rather it would mount the troubles making my future even more troublesome and difficult. I never had any courage to face the problems. Running away from or avoiding them had worked best at all times; but not today. A problem in shape of a silhouette was in front of me, I could not avoid it, let alone run way from it.

I tried calling for help, which I had never done before. I hated other people helping me. It made me feel inferior, made me feel weak. I wanted everything to be done on my own strength, and whenever the task failed I simply laid the blame on others. Could I blame others for this silhouette? Of course, but it would not make it go away this instant! Louder and louder I yelled for help but none came. They simply could not hear me as there were none for miles and miles. I was all alone with this problematic silhouette, I was all alone! Even if people had heard me yelling would they have come for my help? Why would they? I, in my all life had helped none; I was so much concerned with my own that I had no time for others. Why would they come for my help?

I was sure now. That was how all came to an end; the self-centered, egoistic, self-absorbed, and narcissistic side of me would cause my own end. All my selfishness, egoism, hatred, and narcissism were in front of me that day, in the form of a silhouette of my own self; an image of mine I always hid, an image of mine I always ignored. The silhouette, I had then realized, was my evil persona; a semblance of the real me. The rage and animosity inside of me had grown so much that I was no longer in control of it; rather it would control me, it would then consume me and reveal the real me; full of hatred and acrimony. Yes, that was how it all ended.